Friday, April 22, 2011

If any one had told me part 2……

   In all the years that I had played out this day in my head, I always had a piece of me that was scared. See I grew up in a not so nice home. God removed it and all I had was excitement and anticipation.
As we prepared for their arrival doubt crept in, What if he doesn’t show? I didn’t need to see him for any approval or validation. I needed to see him  for me. I truly love my dad, he is my dad. I can’t hate him because my mother wants me to, the little girl inside needed her daddy. That little girl now is at ease, I have a new feeling of letting go and moving forward. 
As they arrived it has a surreal feeling, dad, it seemed was taking forever to get out of the car.  I walked up and hugged him, I didn’t wait to see what he wanted or how he would be. I needed to relay to him I love him and that I wanted him here.
As I hugged him, l told him I am so happy he called and that he is actually here. I then turn and his wife is crying so I go to hug her. She tells me, “I tell him you were teens caught in the middle”. I reply, “yes we were just children in the middle of dysfunction.”
We have an awkward moment, so I introduce him to his grandchildren and them to their uncle’s. The children and I then show them around the mini farm.
My boys are like their mom the just embrace their new found family. They go off with their Uncle’s, who are their same age……They leave us adults to get acquainted, we talked about the old house I grew up in. Had some laughs about how my dad is and how something's about him have not changed. My boy’s played their instruments for them. Found he still has the house I grew up in, he doesn’t live there. But it filled something inside me knowing he didn’t erase me away.
Then he shares with me about that being the worst year in his life, I feel for him. 20 yrs. of family gone in blink of an eye, but also he lost his dad and brother. I don’t forget why he lost his family after 20 yrs. him and mom were oil and water the whole time and neither of them could ever make it work, ever. Neither of them had a relationship with God. 
We spent about two hours together, I found myself not ready for him to leave. It felt as if he wasn’t ready for the time to up either. They mentioned about possibly coming down next year so I told them let us know we would love to spend time with them. 
This event has brought me to my knees. God gets ALL the glory and praise for this miracle. Pastor had said something about seeing God’s power and how many Christian's say they don’t feel his almighty power. I can now say I have………it is a rejuvenating feeling to feel the power of our Lord.
 I do ask for prayer, for my younger sister she is the last of four that wants to see dad. I pray she will get her chance to re connect with him also. I just found out yesterday she has seen my dad. It hurts that this was kept from me, I understand the why. So I am just going to move forward. We are both wanting the same thing to be reconnected with our dad.
God is in control he is the only one that can change the hearts of any of us. I also pray I keep growing closer to my sister and that we can bond together and give each other some of the family feelings that we both so desire.


The Real Me! said...

I am SO glad that it went well. You never know what to expect with situations like that.
God is so good!

The Real Me! said...

TARA!!!! Guess what? You won my giveaway!! Congratulations. I just need your information so I can pass it on to Sandy so she can send you your book.
Yay! I'm so glad you won!

Pineapple Princess said...

Gorgeous blog and love your photo layouts! I'll be back for sure! New follower here! :)