Thursday, April 28, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
As we prepared for their arrival doubt crept in, What if he doesn’t show? I didn’t need to see him for any approval or validation. I needed to see him for me. I truly love my dad, he is my dad. I can’t hate him because my mother wants me to, the little girl inside needed her daddy. That little girl now is at ease, I have a new feeling of letting go and moving forward.
As they arrived it has a surreal feeling, dad, it seemed was taking forever to get out of the car. I walked up and hugged him, I didn’t wait to see what he wanted or how he would be. I needed to relay to him I love him and that I wanted him here.
As I hugged him, l told him I am so happy he called and that he is actually here. I then turn and his wife is crying so I go to hug her. She tells me, “I tell him you were teens caught in the middle”. I reply, “yes we were just children in the middle of dysfunction.”
We have an awkward moment, so I introduce him to his grandchildren and them to their uncle’s. The children and I then show them around the mini farm.
My boys are like their mom the just embrace their new found family. They go off with their Uncle’s, who are their same age……They leave us adults to get acquainted, we talked about the old house I grew up in. Had some laughs about how my dad is and how something's about him have not changed. My boy’s played their instruments for them. Found he still has the house I grew up in, he doesn’t live there. But it filled something inside me knowing he didn’t erase me away.
Then he shares with me about that being the worst year in his life, I feel for him. 20 yrs. of family gone in blink of an eye, but also he lost his dad and brother. I don’t forget why he lost his family after 20 yrs. him and mom were oil and water the whole time and neither of them could ever make it work, ever. Neither of them had a relationship with God.
We spent about two hours together, I found myself not ready for him to leave. It felt as if he wasn’t ready for the time to up either. They mentioned about possibly coming down next year so I told them let us know we would love to spend time with them.
This event has brought me to my knees. God gets ALL the glory and praise for this miracle. Pastor had said something about seeing God’s power and how many Christian's say they don’t feel his almighty power. I can now say I have………it is a rejuvenating feeling to feel the power of our Lord.
I do ask for prayer,
God is in control he is the only one that can change the hearts of any of us. I also pray I keep growing closer to my sister and that we can bond together and give each other some of the family feelings that we both so desire.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
My day began as any other day does, not a clue how fast it would change. No one could have prepared me for what was about to happen.
As we were preparing to leave for children’s choir my cell rang, as usual bad reception and missed the call. I began to worry it was a 607 area code only person I talk to is my mom there. This was not my mom, began to prepare myself that I may have to take a emergency trip to New York.
So I tell my four lets go I need to call this number back and I can do it on the way to church. (God’s way of working).
As they answer they say my name, my stomach sinks but I some how had pep in my voice. He tells me he is my half brother, shock begins. Now my thoughts run to my dad, please no.
My brother quickly says dad is right here driving as if he knew were my thoughts went.
I have never meant my two half brothers, I have not seen my dad in 25 yrs. I called 15 yrs. ago when my oldest was born, never heard back from him. Finally about 3-5 yrs. ago I said goodbye my goodbye and told God how important it was to me to see my dad at least one time before he died.
God granted this to me this day out of the blue. Timing I say was God’s work. I was on my way to church. As I held myself somewhat together for my children. They are in the back saying mom is mad, no hurt, and then I hear baby girl no happy. Mom are you crying because your happy, she asks. Yes, baby girl I am. See I told you so, she announces to every one.
At church though was another story as soon as a friend asked me what was wrong the flood began to pour. One grabbed my children and removed them, at this point no one knows it is joy, happiness, rejoicing, praising and disbelieve.
But still the children do not understand all that is happening with mom. So thankful for awesome church family that protected them.
God’s timing is the most amazing, he had me where I would receive prayer and comfort to help me pull myself together,
Friday, April 8, 2011
Today Mimi and I loaded my four up and headed out to a wonderful state park not to far away from where I live.
So wanted to go see the gardens of azalea's, we missed them, probably due to all of the rain we have had the blooms where gone already. Something to look forward to next year.
Mimi amazes me how she goes where the four want her to follow. They had both of us climbing up and down steep hillsides. (I sure hope to be a Mimi just like her).My four are already asking for another adventure.
Friday, April 1, 2011
For today April 1, 2011
Outside my Window….
Sun is shining after week of rain and dark skies, beautiful to be outside in, everyone but me is out there already.
I am thinking…
about how I would love to take a trip this summer. Waiting to see if it is God’s will also.
I am thankful….
for my new truck. It is everything I have ever wanted.
From the learning rooms….
still chipping away at all the subjects, we have been doing really good at placing bible first everyday, really makes a difference.
From the kitchen….
still thinking on dinner for tonight, headed to sloppy Joes or hamburgers.
I am creating…
working on a couple of projects, working on the last color in the husbands afghan, began piece a quilt that is a gift for someone special.
I am going….
well this week has been a week of change. Every plan made has changed. As soon as I get off here I have to decide if we stay home with dad today or go on with the plans we had. Normally staying with dad wins.
On my mind….
what is my mind not on? Weekend schedule, today’s plans, school work, summer plans, next week plans, housecleaning, laundry and dinner.
Around the house….
everyone is wondering about today and what are we doing, they want to be outside enjoying the beautiful day. Can’t blame them after being inside due to rain all week.
One of my favorite things…..
seeing my seeds very first sprouts. So exciting to see your works blessings.
Few plans for rest of the week…
orchestra this week end, hopefully sell the old truck couple of guys are coming to see it. Receive a blessing from church on Sunday and Monday prayer/knitting group. These ladies really have been a blessing to be around each Monday.
A picture into my life….
Baby girl figured out my pass word and was on mommies computer and the evidence was left behind to prove it, there is eight more that greeted me today.
to enjoy more daybooks follow this link
My FIL called me asking for a spare bedroom that he was needing to move in. hahaha.
I am sure glad my FIL loves me enough to call and play pranks on me.
Happy April 1st to everyone hopefully the joke you encounter doesn't mess with you too much today!