Saturday, August 31, 2013

Lost and trying to find my in The Lord.....

I am siting outside listening to Kari Jobe....working on worshipping OUR ALL MIGHTY. Man fails us especially when we need them. 
   I have been deeply hurt and have tried all week to let go....yesterday I was disappointed he went off with Collin. I had a good day with my other 3. But I thought we were doing everything as a family. It feels as if there are 2 families under this roof at times. So I went to the store on barely anything to get us through a week. I didn't get chocolate cake. Well now I will get nothing I want, he says. I say I don't anyways. I can list them......actually I did, I know I was wrong. Well so he is back to just turning me off.....I want to scream.....I needed you where were you, your damn cake is in the same place!!!!! I need him to love me....and I don't believe he that I really need him, I am wondering have I had my head in the sand. Have I just been giving him all his desires to keep peace and to get the crumbs from it. I have to look for the caring and love out of him. 
    I heard him playing on the jeep last night, I came out to take part in the fun. They stopped.....he wanted his coffee he asked for that I forgot to bring out to him.
I want to children are what keep me from running. The urge is so bad to run......I don't know even if I ran it would effect him....he would miss his maid..... I don't feel like his wife.

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