This year I have watched and stood by as we have slowly lost just about everything. Praying for mercy and help from our Lord for him to keep his promise to us. Daily trying to hold my head up not to show the pain inside. That getting up and facing another day is taking all the strength. Waiting for the next ax to fall, praying that the nightmare we are living would stop.
Can I see God daily? Yes.
I have to make it a point to see him and the blessings that have come in this storm. Have blessing come with this trial? YES!
Does it make all the pain stop? No.
I keep telling myself God has shown to many times to me that he does not quite on me. So I am not going to quite on him now. Trials always have a end. The lesson in this one just doesn't stop.
I don't want to deal with anything anymore. I am trying to surround myself with happy, postive, God loving thoughts. I am wiped out emotionly.
Last night it was confirmed we are on the court record for forclosure. The wheels are in motion finially. The wheels my husband and I knew were going to happen couple months ago. We have been just in a holding pattern and prayer. What the time frame is now? I don't know. What we do know is it is getting closer and harder. We are loosing our dream, along with the rest of America.
I am not trying to have a pity party, I am just hurting. Very badly today. I can't pretend everything is great I believe in God he will take care of me.
I hurt right now!!!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow I may have my head up again, maybe.
Praise God through it all, I am trying too.