Boost radiation

Had my first boost today. So thankful this is my last week. I am burnt from one last week after taking a week off. The local pharmacy I use aka Walgreens, never ever ever has the silverdene in stock. Thankfully I asked for more before out. 

I look forward to the day I sit and write about more then cancer treatments. 

Returned today

I did return today to radiation treatment. Had last full breast treatment. Tomorrow will have films and booster radiation will begin, then all next week everyday will have treatment. 

Keep me in prayers please. Praying I don’t burn this week like before.

Seeing light

Last night I slept with out waking in pain when rolling over. The itch is decreasing the raw under the breast isn’t as raw. 

Do I return to finish the treatments?

It took 14 to get to the point I was at, I only have 7 left.  

I can do it, right?

Two cancers since 2012. In the last 2-3 I was finally living again without fear and anxiety over its return. Enjoying all the blessings around me. 

I need to return, and finish?

 

Miserable

Last Monday I had a meltdown, Pain, fatigue, itching, burning. I did get treatment that day which was my 14th. I have 6 different lotions, silverdene, hydrocortisone, lidocaine all that I apply during the day. 

Underarm is healing and doing good, chest still has tiny blisters, and itching. The area under the breast is the spot giving me trouble. Have raw skin that wants to weep, itch, burn. 

I have called both oncologist and said I don’t want anymore. Of course they are giving the statistics and want me to finish up at least the boosts. 

The boost aren’t suppose to be covering the large area more direct. If this was my first cancer then I would but it is my second. The first was very aggressive and I am watched so closely. Due to that watching could be why I have secondary. No one knows… 

My ribs are even complaining..

Radiation has begun

Today was the first day of radiation. They had to tattoo me again. Draw on me several lines since I am allergic to all adhesive tapes. One problem is the drawings have worn off already. Hope enough is there by morning for them to follow and redraw. 

What ever dignity you have is completely lost when you have cancer. I will save you details for now.

My daughter went with me today and tomorrow even though it is her birthday. My baby girl turns 19. Feels good saying that. See I was told I wouldn’t see her be 15. She is 19 and so brave, strong, independent and successful young lady. 

The worse thing is my arms during the radiation session. They are complaining being above my head. I could barley bring them down today they hurt so much. Fingers were ice. They said tomorrow would be shorter so we will see. 

Good night everyone 

Thank you for all your prayers 

Surgery

January 6, 2022 was surgery day. The breast cancer turned out to be bigger then they thought but clean margins. I am two weeks out and still having a lot of discomfort and swelling. Living with ice on and taking ibuprofen and acetaminophen every 4 hours. 

Radiation will begin in a couple weeks. 

Meantime, looking to travel some with my son as he auditions for graduate school. The first audition is next Saturday then every Saturday through March. 

 

6 years NED and now breast

   September 24 was my 6 year anniversary of no evidence of my stage 4 colon cancer. Been becoming less anxious feeling as each scan returns. 

   I was over due for my mammogram thanks to covid. As with everything Gods timing is the perfect timing. In December they found breast cancer. January 6th it was removed with two lymph nodes. Waiting now for more pathology reports on the cancer it’s self. In a couple more weeks I will be starting radiation everyday for 4 weeks. 

  It was extremely hard and kicked me into major anxiety having the same exact words being said to me that I heard sept 2012. Matter of fact I am stage 1 T1 the exact same. I had to stop them and say stop saying how lucky. What I know is cancer never does what they think it will. So in 9 months when I am still clean then tell me I am lucky.

The doctor tells me not the same beast this time. Well may not be but it is cancer and science doesn’t fully understand it yet. (Then they wonder why I won’t trust the covid vaccine) tell me to trust science that is so funny after having them tell me no rhyme or reason I became stage 4 and science blah blah. 

   Enough of that because Lord is in charge and he took care of me once again. Cancer was 8mm, clean borders and no lymph nodes involved. 

   Please keep me in your prayers each day for the next couple months. I am very sore today 2 weeks after surgery see dr Friday to make sure all is good. Will update as I take this journey. 

 

Christmas Time

   Been super busy making Christmas gifts. I have made tumblers for some, embroidered dish towels for others and personalized trivets for others. Then started making  coffee cup carriers actually pretty cool item. Have a couple more tumblers to finish and couple decals. 

     I am finally working on a paper piecing pattern of a Christmas tree. Bought it 4-5 years ago. Been harder then I expected but easy at same time. Next is to start a string quilt been saving dryer sheets for a months. Going to also make some coasters. 

     Waiting to see what happens in this new year. Not getting as much done as I thought I would, these past months have been full. We moved into new house, then son, his wife and three kids moved in. Been lots of settling in many different ways. 

    The plan was to get back to blogging, sewing items to sell to help out here and there. Hasn’t been as we planned but that is ok because quality time with family is a blessing. 

   

   Life has other plans. I don’t fight it like I use to. Learned that fighting what is happening just causes more stress. As many know I am 6 years NED of stage 4 colon cancer. This month they found I have a secondary cancer, breast.  Due to be big watched closely and an oncologist that monitors me it has been found very early. I will be having surgery, just waiting to meet with radiologist to decide if IORP which is during surgery or traditional radiation after: 

  At first it was oh hell no. What w know very tiny spot, it is not genetic. Both my cancers are environmental caused. I knew there was a risk of secondary from chemos and all the ct scans. But this breast cancer I believe is from my cell phone. I had a bad habit and still do sometimes stick it in my bra. On the side the cancer is where the cancer is. With cancer on such a rise in this world we need to think what are we doing.

Not sure if I will be able to confirm but plan of talking to both drs about it. 

Well it is late, house is quiet a time when I can hear my own thoughts. Tonight I sit with the windows open feeling a nice very cool breeze while heating the rain. All day today it was cool and wintery looking. I wrapped the presents how is Christmas in 5 days well now 4? How did this year go by so fast? 2022 wow seemed so far away as a kid back in 1970’s and 1980’s. I thank Jesus everyday I am here to see it with my family. 

How life changes

If anyone had told me 9 years ago where I would be today, I would not have believed them. 

Well today I am NED (no evidence of disease). My   has worked hard through all of these. We now own our home once again. A better house then we ever have had, it is all here wrapped in one. I have a new vehicle, the Lord has blessed my husband with work even through this pandemic. My faith has grown so much in the last 10 years. Now I am human and I do get in the flesh but as I begin to complain I recall all he has done and how could I not trust him.

I can’t speak enough of his glory. I have been in the depths of despair, I have lost everything but my family. 

Sept 20th was my 53rd birthday. I am still here and thank the Lord everyday for everything 

Healing...

This has been a long healing process. 8 weeks has never felt so long. 

I have just passed the 4 week point. This surgery has been emotionally hard and physically. 

I stopped taking the pain meds prescribed, didn't like the effects, I also would over do and make the pain worse.

Through this surgery, I have struggled with the what ifs and fears. To the point that my anxiety and depression effected me. 

Jesus never turned away. Jesus spoke loudly! 

At the surgeon I was whining over the depression and anxiety. Dr said you DO NOT need those meds. Only thing you need is to be back in church being thankful and praising. 

  Dr didn't know I wasn't attending...

I heard I went...that morning worship song blood of Jesus white as snow. 

In Sunday school, another reminder. Reflect back on all Jesus has all ready done.

Jesus has done so much, he has provided all...

I haven't forgotten what He has done. I am struggling with trust....not knowing our Lords plan. I know mine and His doesn't always match. I beg Him allow me to be cancer free, allow me to live life with my children, allow me to be here for them as they grow into adults, marry have children. Allow me to be a grandma.....

Working on regaining total faith and trust. HIS WORKS DO SHOW HIS LOVE!!!!

One week post surgery.

Well the surgeon wouldn't let me wait he made me go in Sept 24, to have my lower right lung lobe removed. 

  It was a good thing that the surgeon didn't let me put off. The tumor had doubled again. April it is 4 mm and stable, at August 30 scan it was 9mm x 5mm, and on Sept 24, 1.5x1x1 cm.

The tumor woke with vengeance.

Pathology report showed no lymph node involvement still. Praise God!!! 

  All I can do is pray that the second chemo worked killing any radical cells floating around my body. Since none of the dr can explain how it is metastasising without lymph nodes involvement. 

   God knows and he can heal it and make it all come to an end. 

   I will not be having chemo again, mentally, emotionally I can't handle it a third time. Plus all markers are clean, so doctor says we just watch and pray.

     Meantime, my rib cage hates me the area at the bottom of my ribs feels like I have been beaten, kicked and run over. 

The huge incision is closed and is healing nice the tube hole is almost closed. Most of the healing over the next two months is internal. The scars on the other hand are constant reminders of this battle. There are you on your way home days they make be feel like an fighter and survivor, other days I cry over them at what I have had to do.

Right now I am in between the not completely bed ridden but not completely able to do. Most aggravating for me because I want to get back into living.

After the 2nd infusion

Well I was told I wouldn't be losing my hair. Guess that half true I haven't lost all of it. 😜 

This week has been rough had lots of fatigue. I ran earns Monday, Tuesday I was down I couldn't do anything even switching laundry from washer to dryer to all I had. Wednesday I felt better so my mother in law and I took the kids for an outdoor adventure. Today I was better had more energy. So hopefully tomorrow will be even better. 

 The Metropolitan Area Youth Orchestra is preparing for their first season concert. I have been able to keep up some but I am resting up and preparing for Sunday. I am also going to take a lower key at concert. I am happy to be there and be involved!!!!! It will be a very nice blessing going into Monday for my 3rd infusion.

Will post pictures of our outdoor adventure in another post.