Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Want to write

I want to write every thought but some are so raw that I don't want them here.... I don't need judgement......not all the feelings and thoughts are reality.... Right know reality is hard and words are either being said that hurt or no words are being said that hurts also. Lots of tears are being shed this week.......I am hurting......the one I need most is not there.....he can't hold my hand he can't have me at his side......I don't know why he is upset with me this week. He tried not to be but he is....I can tell because everything I say he shuts me down. He isn't talking to me. He likes to fix everything and he can't fix this... I need him closer now more then ever....we made it through and became closer the last surgery....this time we are scared. It is worse then before. 
I will be a survivor because of him and my kids.....I need him to hold my hand and say I only want you 

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