Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Here we go again..

         My last chemo was in January. April scan was the same, one spot listed as stable. The oncologist said we will scan you in 6 months, I said no we won't. So we meant in the middle at 4 months. Glad I said no, the scan revealed the spot is no longer stable. In fact has already doubled in size.
         Choice of treatment radiation or surgery. In my head radiation is last resort. I opted for surgery, plus I said, " I want to be cancer free and no longer have this over my head". He said, " surgery will do that, you will be cancer free."
         Tuesday, I saw the surgeon. Harder news then I thought it would be. It isn't being done by VATS. He needs to open my side up clean out scare tissue from last year. Spread the rips and take the whole lower right lobe of the lung.
I will be needing oxygen for a while he said not for ever. Will be a 2 month recovery, and I will be in lots of pain. He will have me on pain meds but nothing will take it away, the pain will be bad. He will also biopsy the lymph nodes to makes sure that the lymph system is still not involved. Terrified...
        I have done a lot of crying, over the mistake the radiologist did last year with this spot. The losing an important organ, the stress from the news.
Now all I can do is pray.....Oh Lord hear my prayer...My hearts desire is to watch all my children grow into adults. To be here for my baby girl, as she begins to grow into a young women. So many important days ahead of her that she will want her momma by her side. You have known my heart for my children before I had children. Please allow me to be here for them and to be a grandmother.
Please remove this cancer from my body so I can continue enjoying life with my family, you so blessed me with. I am not ready to come home yet...          

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