Here we go again..

         My last chemo was in January. April scan was the same, one spot listed as stable. The oncologist said we will scan you in 6 months, I said no we won't. So we meant in the middle at 4 months. Glad I said no, the scan revealed the spot is no longer stable. In fact has already doubled in size.
         Choice of treatment radiation or surgery. In my head radiation is last resort. I opted for surgery, plus I said, " I want to be cancer free and no longer have this over my head". He said, " surgery will do that, you will be cancer free."
         Tuesday, I saw the surgeon. Harder news then I thought it would be. It isn't being done by VATS. He needs to open my side up clean out scare tissue from last year. Spread the rips and take the whole lower right lobe of the lung.
I will be needing oxygen for a while he said not for ever. Will be a 2 month recovery, and I will be in lots of pain. He will have me on pain meds but nothing will take it away, the pain will be bad. He will also biopsy the lymph nodes to makes sure that the lymph system is still not involved. Terrified...
        I have done a lot of crying, over the mistake the radiologist did last year with this spot. The losing an important organ, the stress from the news.
       
Now all I can do is pray.....Oh Lord hear my prayer...My hearts desire is to watch all my children grow into adults. To be here for my baby girl, as she begins to grow into a young women. So many important days ahead of her that she will want her momma by her side. You have known my heart for my children before I had children. Please allow me to be here for them and to be a grandmother.
Please remove this cancer from my body so I can continue enjoying life with my family, you so blessed me with. I am not ready to come home yet...          

The crossroads...

     Wednesday of the week before this past one. My Oncologist office calls, stating they need a referral to see me or I would be considered a self pay. They called a week before my appointment so I would have time to get the referral.  Well I called the insurance right away they gave me five doctors in the area to call. Meantime I put a call into my old primary to find out if the doctor that replaced her would see me.
     Now this is happening on Friday late afternoon. I stopped calling around due to the new dr in my old primary called and made appointment for me saying yes we take that, not a problem lets get you in right away so you don't miss your oncologist. I made arrangements for my children, including get one to orchestra. Drove 30 minutes one way to the Dr, to be told we wont see you. That I was given the wrong information the insurance isn't excepted. Come to find that afternoon and the next morning, there is only one doctor that takes it in the whole area.
  This one doctor in the whole area that takes the insurance doesn't return calls. Now it is Wednesday morning, I must cancel my oncologist appointment. They give me a week and two doctors names in their area that refer to them. Thursday and Friday were crazy days with end of the year concert, so Monday I will be calling and seeing how long it will be to be seen.
     Meantime, I am praying and telling myself to trust in the Lord. Lord provided all the medical coverage and care needed so far, even when I wouldn't go he caused me to go....not sure what this trial is about. I need to be confident I am good, I am in remission and there is no need to worry about death, growth or spreading of this stupid cancer.......
      The biggest is not to get angry over all the forcing of the people to have insurance, but no enforcement for doctors to take the insurance.
      How is this fixing the health system?

Another scan

Another scan down....called Dr. Today and he said it looked good. 

   Then why do I want to cry? 

I should be happy, but I don't feel out of the woods yet.

Continued story...

Was on my 43rd birthday. As I was waking, the dr. is called in. They made sure I was not alone. During the endoscope she found a cancerous tumor. It looked like a polyp and she cut into it, right away she stopped and sent it off to lab. With in days it was confirmed, but she didn't wait she already had the references going for surgery. 

  CT scans were done, and I was in surgery with in a couple weeks. The surgeon cut me from belly button to pelvic bone, 6" of my colon was removed. I was blessed it all went beautiful he was able to resect no temp bag was needed. The recovery after coming home was hard, turned out I had Cdiff and UtI. I knew something wasn't right but couldn't figure it out...just knew I was afraid very afraid. These emotions of lost, loneliness and fear were not founded so why was I having them? Barely made it through Sunday, my friend came over prayed with me, and I kept claiming the blood of Jesus. The tears wouldn't stop. Monday morning I knew I needed help, called dr was sent to ER. Needed a ct scan to confirm surgery was having no complications. Thankfully no everything looked beautiful, just infections that needed to be treated. 

  At follow up dr tells me I am T1 which is basically so early cancer that I don't need radiation or chemo. I need to be seen in a year for my follow up endoscope. 

  At 9 months I went in for my one year. Now meantime, we have finally lost our home. We are in middle of packing and moving into a new place that requires a lot of work.

  Dr. Calls to confirm I am coming in for my endoscope. My colon cancer marker is up to 128. Normal is 2.5. 

   I email a friend that is a colon surgeon, he calls me and ask several questions, the answers to them all are no. He says not good enough, don't leave my phone. Within 30 minutes I am scheduled to see an oncologist the next day!

Life full of hills and valleys

If I didn't live the path for the last few years, I wouldn't beleive the story myself.

       When the recession began a few years ago, my family was one on that long hard road. Battling daily to hold onto our home, vehicles and even everyday living. Most of all our faith and love for each other. My husband was always so resourceful, he managed to always come up with money to keep power on for us. The trucks went but he found ways that we always had something. For awhile we were down to one car. Gods beauty and friends with very kind hearts fixed that.
     The house was the hardest, 5 years of battling with the company before we threw in the towel. Finally realizing the company had no intention as the news said to work with the people. (This blog began in that home and on the beautiful land).
    In the meantime, all this, stress my health was being effected. Was sick to my stomach a lot had to begin watching everything I ate. I had all the symptoms of an ulcer. I began having a lot of bleeding kept telling myself hemorrhoids. It was at 3:00am on July 5th, 2012. I was awakened with pain worse then child birth. I had a very inflamed, infected kidney due to a kidney stone. After being hospitalized for 3 days and it blasted out, I went and returned to life.
     My girlfriend asked me what my excuse would be now to not see a dr over my bleeding. My cost share was meant now. I knew she was right and I knew I needed too. You know there is a difference between you knowing you have cancer and the Dr. telling you. The reality I were about to meet.

To be continued...

Been awhile...

Sorry I have been missing, I think often how I need to write again.

Between being on chemo a 2nd time and keeping up with the family business, not much time is left to write. Jonathan's schedule is keeping me busy between keeping the home, and then homeschooling.
Being told I am Stage 4 cancer has changed a lot of my out look, family is #1.

What brought me here tonight is working to make a dream come true for one of my children.

I just started a fund raiser for my son Jonathan to attend a special Orchestra camp in Boone, NC.
Jonathan has such talent with his cello. We are so very excited and proud of Jonathan, he auditioned for the All State Orchestra and MADE IT!!!!
There are only 15 seats we were told don't be disappointed if he doesn't make it, especially being his first time auditioning. Jonathan made it out of 3,000 students. So in January he will be performing in Tampa at the FMEA.

To grow his talent we have been invited to apply to the http://cannon.appstate.edu/application-forms
the camp has already accepted Jonathan, now it is time to find how to get there.


Please help fund this chance for Jonathan to grow his cello talent. He dreams of becoming a pro..

">Jonathan Summer Camp Fund