Family

   When I began this blog I was a mom of four young children, how the years have gone by! I am now a mom of adults, 3 grandkids and grand dog and grand guinea pig. 

    I am so very proud of all my children and the adults they are growing into and how they all find their way home when they need to and or want. 

   My oldest is a paramedic and a combat medic and a field trainer. Has a wife of 4 years and 3 wonderful children. Works hard and gets things done, he treasures his family and can see how proud of his children he is. 

   My second is a senior at Stetson University. He has done all this and been married since out of high school. Married his high school sweetheart. They have the dog and the piggy. At this moment besides it being his super busy season as a cello performer, he is applying to grad schools: little secret… really like him to stay close. I know the world is ahead of him and right now so many grad schools for him. I will be visiting and FaceTime. 

      On to the third my firecracker, my Pooh bear, he loves to be the funny one; the trickster. He wears his feelings alot like me. He is in his junior year at Embry Riddle, civil engineer. He wants to graduate and start working. He may still pursue grad schools while he works. He isn’t married but does have a sweet caring also Erau student by his side that plans to work at NASA.

      Baby girl, my Roo, how fast she grew up, miss independent out finding herself. She graduated high school early, while working, flew the coop to grow her wings and to be her person. Strong, independent, loving, kind, caring, thoughtful, living her life. Working hard to make it all happen. Knows what she doesn’t want, and makes sure. She has a good man in her life that accepts her for all she is.  I love her so much my girl.

I miss my kids but love when we talk as adults. Love that they still love the family and have that foundation of home. 

This week I celebrate with a huge grateful heart that I am able to have them all for a traditional thanksgiving.

We will be eating a day early our thanksgiving meal no matter because we all and their families and partners will be there. My crew what my husband and I made together. The extensions they have made. Celebrating this year because I am here also to see take part in all I was told I would never see. My heart is full!!! I thank Jesus daily 

Enjoy your Thanksgiving and remember to love each other and forgive.

 

 

 

How life changes

If anyone had told me 9 years ago where I would be today, I would not have believed them. 

Well today I am NED (no evidence of disease). My   has worked hard through all of these. We now own our home once again. A better house then we ever have had, it is all here wrapped in one. I have a new vehicle, the Lord has blessed my husband with work even through this pandemic. My faith has grown so much in the last 10 years. Now I am human and I do get in the flesh but as I begin to complain I recall all he has done and how could I not trust him.

I can’t speak enough of his glory. I have been in the depths of despair, I have lost everything but my family. 

Sept 20th was my 53rd birthday. I am still here and thank the Lord everyday for everything 

Little bump in the road

Today I go have a early ct scan. Just a few months shy of my 5 yr anniversary of No Evidence of Disease they found a nodule. It is in my upper right lung lobe. This could be a previous spot that hasn’t been picked up, I have two of these that were no longer showing on scans thanks to chemo. OR, it could be from when I was so sick from December- March. 

I won’t have the answer today and I don’t like calling for results. I wait for my dr appt and we discuss. This time he will look also at the old scans that I have on dvd. 

Am I worried? I would be lying if I said no not at all. Truth is it is part of my life now. I always have the thought in the back of my head. I have faith in Jesus and he has guided me this whole time. I believe if this is cancer again it is early and will be removed.  

What I have learned is I can’t control the road ahead. I can only lean on Jesus and pray then forge ahead. How do I know if it is Gods will? Well on this journey I have had doors closed and doors open. I have had easy paths and hard paths. The easy is alway after I tried on my own power, then broke and cried out to Him. 

I pray this is not cancer again, I DO NOT want the pain that comes with it all. Seven surgeries have left there marks. Not just all the scars but inside also unseen effects that I feel physically, mentally and emotionally. 

I am on a road to healing not going to let this stop me. 

2012 now today

I just went back reading my blog looking for the date. The date that changed my world, my families world.
Hard to believe the journey really began July 4th 2012. It was June 2013 when it became very dark. Told I had 5 years chances of survival were against me. Well I am here 2020!
I have had a colon resection, then cdiff and a uti. Gallbladder removed, then liver resection 20% of liver removed. First round of chemo, hospitalized twice with that. Then Vats surgery to left and right side lungs. Back on chemo, into remission for a few  months. To have tumor wake up and grow rapidly. This tumor cost me my lower right lung. Worst surgery ever was 2015 and still have nerve damage and issues. I was able to overcome nephropathy and many other side effects but this last surgery has left me with physical reminders of the path I have taken.

I read my words of hurt, loss and fear. They bring tears to my eyes today. The scares are here and I deal with them all the time. I know I was in Jesus hand the whole time, I could feel him, I spoke to him every second of the day. How to describe? My physical part was terrified, terrified of not being here for my children. Terrified they would be growing up without me. Fear was eating me alive. Dying wasn't what I was afraid of it was only of leaving my children without a mother.

Now today Stay at home orders, covid 19. I have a house full with all colleges and closed. And two still working. I am not afraid at all. My Heavenly Father is here. Cancer changed me in many ways. The first is bringing me closer to Him, knowing he really is alive. What I am doing slowing down, enjoying all my children, laughing with them. But let’s be real also, shut in the house 24/7 together we have our spats. We are all adjusting. This weekend I had my grand babies here, was like when everyone was little. I had a full bed Sunday morning. Everyone came in climber up and laid relaxing,

Looking for blessings

Cello Concerto in E Minor, Op.85 performed by Jonathan Dills

Making time to blog

I have missed writing. Fb is easy and quick so post there more often. This here is almost like a dairy for me and for my children.
Since my last post many things have occur had two scares and another surgery. I have stepped down form volunteering at school. I have basically changed doing anything outside of the home. My husband after last summer event saw that I needed to be slowed down. The blessing is I have a husband that isn’t afraid to speak up and tell me enough is enough.
I will need to post the different things I have been doing quilts, glitter cups, shirts, grand babies. YES! You did read that right I am a grand ma. The Lord answered another prayer. My oldest is married and I have a grand son and now a grand daughter.
Sometimes when I read back on the prayers I get scared because my blessings are over flowing. I rejoice being so blessed the scare is they are so abundant when will it crack?
So I don’t spend time thinking I just rejoice in the blessing. My grand son is 3 and he is so sweet.
He is here right now love him so much he is sitting in his size rocker, he put a pillow behind is back like memaw does. Rocking and watching Cars 2.