Christmas Time

   Been super busy making Christmas gifts. I have made tumblers for some, embroidered dish towels for others and personalized trivets for others. Then started making  coffee cup carriers actually pretty cool item. Have a couple more tumblers to finish and couple decals. 

     I am finally working on a paper piecing pattern of a Christmas tree. Bought it 4-5 years ago. Been harder then I expected but easy at same time. Next is to start a string quilt been saving dryer sheets for a months. Going to also make some coasters. 

     Waiting to see what happens in this new year. Not getting as much done as I thought I would, these past months have been full. We moved into new house, then son, his wife and three kids moved in. Been lots of settling in many different ways. 

    The plan was to get back to blogging, sewing items to sell to help out here and there. Hasn’t been as we planned but that is ok because quality time with family is a blessing. 

   

   Life has other plans. I don’t fight it like I use to. Learned that fighting what is happening just causes more stress. As many know I am 6 years NED of stage 4 colon cancer. This month they found I have a secondary cancer, breast.  Due to be big watched closely and an oncologist that monitors me it has been found very early. I will be having surgery, just waiting to meet with radiologist to decide if IORP which is during surgery or traditional radiation after: 

  At first it was oh hell no. What w know very tiny spot, it is not genetic. Both my cancers are environmental caused. I knew there was a risk of secondary from chemos and all the ct scans. But this breast cancer I believe is from my cell phone. I had a bad habit and still do sometimes stick it in my bra. On the side the cancer is where the cancer is. With cancer on such a rise in this world we need to think what are we doing.

Not sure if I will be able to confirm but plan of talking to both drs about it. 

Well it is late, house is quiet a time when I can hear my own thoughts. Tonight I sit with the windows open feeling a nice very cool breeze while heating the rain. All day today it was cool and wintery looking. I wrapped the presents how is Christmas in 5 days well now 4? How did this year go by so fast? 2022 wow seemed so far away as a kid back in 1970’s and 1980’s. I thank Jesus everyday I am here to see it with my family. 

Family

   When I began this blog I was a mom of four young children, how the years have gone by! I am now a mom of adults, 3 grandkids and grand dog and grand guinea pig. 

    I am so very proud of all my children and the adults they are growing into and how they all find their way home when they need to and or want. 

   My oldest is a paramedic and a combat medic and a field trainer. Has a wife of 4 years and 3 wonderful children. Works hard and gets things done, he treasures his family and can see how proud of his children he is. 

   My second is a senior at Stetson University. He has done all this and been married since out of high school. Married his high school sweetheart. They have the dog and the piggy. At this moment besides it being his super busy season as a cello performer, he is applying to grad schools: little secret… really like him to stay close. I know the world is ahead of him and right now so many grad schools for him. I will be visiting and FaceTime. 

      On to the third my firecracker, my Pooh bear, he loves to be the funny one; the trickster. He wears his feelings alot like me. He is in his junior year at Embry Riddle, civil engineer. He wants to graduate and start working. He may still pursue grad schools while he works. He isn’t married but does have a sweet caring also Erau student by his side that plans to work at NASA.

      Baby girl, my Roo, how fast she grew up, miss independent out finding herself. She graduated high school early, while working, flew the coop to grow her wings and to be her person. Strong, independent, loving, kind, caring, thoughtful, living her life. Working hard to make it all happen. Knows what she doesn’t want, and makes sure. She has a good man in her life that accepts her for all she is.  I love her so much my girl.

I miss my kids but love when we talk as adults. Love that they still love the family and have that foundation of home. 

This week I celebrate with a huge grateful heart that I am able to have them all for a traditional thanksgiving.

We will be eating a day early our thanksgiving meal no matter because we all and their families and partners will be there. My crew what my husband and I made together. The extensions they have made. Celebrating this year because I am here also to see take part in all I was told I would never see. My heart is full!!! I thank Jesus daily 

Enjoy your Thanksgiving and remember to love each other and forgive.

 

 

 

How life changes

If anyone had told me 9 years ago where I would be today, I would not have believed them. 

Well today I am NED (no evidence of disease). My   has worked hard through all of these. We now own our home once again. A better house then we ever have had, it is all here wrapped in one. I have a new vehicle, the Lord has blessed my husband with work even through this pandemic. My faith has grown so much in the last 10 years. Now I am human and I do get in the flesh but as I begin to complain I recall all he has done and how could I not trust him.

I can’t speak enough of his glory. I have been in the depths of despair, I have lost everything but my family. 

Sept 20th was my 53rd birthday. I am still here and thank the Lord everyday for everything 

Little bump in the road

Today I go have a early ct scan. Just a few months shy of my 5 yr anniversary of No Evidence of Disease they found a nodule. It is in my upper right lung lobe. This could be a previous spot that hasn’t been picked up, I have two of these that were no longer showing on scans thanks to chemo. OR, it could be from when I was so sick from December- March. 

I won’t have the answer today and I don’t like calling for results. I wait for my dr appt and we discuss. This time he will look also at the old scans that I have on dvd. 

Am I worried? I would be lying if I said no not at all. Truth is it is part of my life now. I always have the thought in the back of my head. I have faith in Jesus and he has guided me this whole time. I believe if this is cancer again it is early and will be removed.  

What I have learned is I can’t control the road ahead. I can only lean on Jesus and pray then forge ahead. How do I know if it is Gods will? Well on this journey I have had doors closed and doors open. I have had easy paths and hard paths. The easy is alway after I tried on my own power, then broke and cried out to Him. 

I pray this is not cancer again, I DO NOT want the pain that comes with it all. Seven surgeries have left there marks. Not just all the scars but inside also unseen effects that I feel physically, mentally and emotionally. 

I am on a road to healing not going to let this stop me. 

2012 now today

I just went back reading my blog looking for the date. The date that changed my world, my families world.
Hard to believe the journey really began July 4th 2012. It was June 2013 when it became very dark. Told I had 5 years chances of survival were against me. Well I am here 2020!
I have had a colon resection, then cdiff and a uti. Gallbladder removed, then liver resection 20% of liver removed. First round of chemo, hospitalized twice with that. Then Vats surgery to left and right side lungs. Back on chemo, into remission for a few  months. To have tumor wake up and grow rapidly. This tumor cost me my lower right lung. Worst surgery ever was 2015 and still have nerve damage and issues. I was able to overcome nephropathy and many other side effects but this last surgery has left me with physical reminders of the path I have taken.

I read my words of hurt, loss and fear. They bring tears to my eyes today. The scares are here and I deal with them all the time. I know I was in Jesus hand the whole time, I could feel him, I spoke to him every second of the day. How to describe? My physical part was terrified, terrified of not being here for my children. Terrified they would be growing up without me. Fear was eating me alive. Dying wasn't what I was afraid of it was only of leaving my children without a mother.

Now today Stay at home orders, covid 19. I have a house full with all colleges and closed. And two still working. I am not afraid at all. My Heavenly Father is here. Cancer changed me in many ways. The first is bringing me closer to Him, knowing he really is alive. What I am doing slowing down, enjoying all my children, laughing with them. But let’s be real also, shut in the house 24/7 together we have our spats. We are all adjusting. This weekend I had my grand babies here, was like when everyone was little. I had a full bed Sunday morning. Everyone came in climber up and laid relaxing,

Looking for blessings

Cello Concerto in E Minor, Op.85 performed by Jonathan Dills