Lost time

My last chemo was January 6th. As the time goes by since I keep learning things. Things I said, things I have done and things told to me. These things are lost....it is as though I lost 6 months of my life. 

I am trying very hard to acknowledge and hug the cancer free...I am scared...i let go the first time and moved forward, then it was worse then the first. So this time I go through life and try not to think about, just don't have that celebration in me.

I still feel 2014 is going to be a better year. I have joined the gym. I am heavier now then I was before cancer. Determined to be back down to pre pregnancy weight. I have given myself a year, I am working towards juicing again and thinking about what is going in my body. I did it once I can do it again!

Life has thrown my family a wrench, but it is all good. I believe that this is all God's plan for us. God has provided always and he has only good ahead.

On another note my children's orchestra Metropolitan Area Youth Symphony is preparing for their final concert MAYSFEST. This is exciting since we will be at Bob Carr Performing Arts Center!

The conductors, Emily and I have already began the behind the scenes work. 

Crayola window markers

This Christmas I bought the kids a huge box of Crayola markers with special ones included. One was window markers, we love them. The sliding glass door has had many special messages written all over. The younger 2 love to draw....then today I thought cool can be used for school. 

They have kept the kids and me (lol) entertained for days.

Update Finally!

I was in the hospital the first week of December due to being to sick...after running several tests, they found no cancer. I was so weak I had December off so I could enjoy the holidays. January 6 I went back, at this chemo treatment I had an allergic reaction then began throwing up. By the next morning a fever started 103.5. Admitted again....

I made a decision to stop the chemo I felt more harm was happening then healing...dr agreed. I go back Feb. 24 for follow up and then cat scan to make sure I am still clean. The port will not be removed until after.

Please keep praying, I can't go through the chemo again.... I had every single side effect plus from it. Dr and his P.a said they have never seen someone that had all the side effects plus. 

5th chemo done

This chemo is taking a lot out of me now. I want to sleep a lot. Having balance issues, they think from the Ativan and phengren. But I haven't had Ativan in days and still having balance issues. I went grocery shopping today and it took everything out of me. I not very comfortable driving, but I did it. My son wanted me to have warm pj's. He found these duck dynasty pj's, they are one peice sleeper with ducks on the feet. So comfy glad he insisted me having.

4th down...

Having a harder time with this chemo, I was already very tired. Slept through Monday infusion and then slept through Wednesday when they put me on 2 hr fluids. The fluids is suppose to help me with my balance and blood pressure. This week my balance is still off my vision is off, I am not as tired but still am tired by 2 pm I am ready for a nap. I don't like this weak feeling that is overcoming me. The dr told me with how tired I was last week it was not from the blood levels that I need to rest more. I am trying to get the rest but I have 4 children and a husband that needs to see me uo and moving to know I am ok. Little comments that I hear let's me know my 3rd child is very scared. So I am doing all the reassurance I can for them all. 

Still not myself

I woke this morning being more of myself but as the day went on I felt bad. Tonight I cooked my favorite tacos and enchilada, but couldn't eat. I just soaked in the jacuzzi tub took some phengren  drank some ensure. Laid down...still not feeling good. All week I have been dealing with nose bleeds multiple times a day. This is on top of other side effects of the chemo. 

I hope tomorrow is better, Monday is coming fast and I am not ready for chemo again.